Early last year, I was at a friends wedding up in Noosa, where nestled in the corner under a giant tree was a Love Tarot Card Reader.
Naturally every woman at the wedding flocked to place her name on the list for 15 minutes with this intriguing and enchanting woman who was here to provide guidance and wisdom on our relationships.
Sometimes The Truth Hurts
When my turn arose I approached her feeling slightly nervous and tentative.
I sat down in front of her and she locked eyes with me, holding my gaze for a few moments before beginning to shuffle the cards and eventually laying a spread of 5 cards in front of me.
She turned over the first card. It was the High Priest.
She paused for a moment, taking in whatever information she was receiving, and then she began to speak.
“So, this card indicates you are clearly a teacher, coach or healer, correct?”
I nodded. She paused, and then continued;
“It is interesting that you drew the male version of this card, rather than the High Priestess which is the female version”
I sat there in silence, not quite sure where she was going with this. Clearly I was a woman, so I had no understanding of the relevance of a male card.
She looked deeply in my eyes and held my gaze. And then with a soft yet direct tone she said;
“Sweetheart, you are too connected to your masculine energy. Something needs to change here if you want to find your soul mate”
She paused again. I felt emotion welling up in my chest.
She looked at me deeply before continuing. “You need to stop walking with your shoulders, and start walking with your hips.”
Her words hit me hard and triggered something deep within me – a pain that I had not even been aware was there.
I began to cry.
She continued to move ahead with the rest of the reading but it felt like a jumble of words that I couldn’t properly process.
For the rest of the evening I continued to try and digest her words, unable to make complete sense of them but knowing they were filled with so much truth.
I couldn’t seem to understand how I had disconnected so far from my feminine energy and fallen so deeply into the shoulder-charging energy of my masculine.
But more than anything else I want to know how to change.
How do I let this go?
How do I release my attachment to my masculine?
How do I re-embody my feminine?
When The Student Is Ready…
The next day I found myself at the beach with two of my beautiful friends Claire and Susana.
As we sat and chatted I felt something draw me towards Susana. My whole body felt pulled to her, intrigued by her. I hung on every word she said. Something was calling me towards her, asking me to listen more deeply to her words and ask her for support. As she looked at me and spoke, I could feel the depth of her presence, the calmness of her energy and the incredible power of her femininity.
And in a flash, something within me said “This woman has the answer you are looking for. You have to work with her”
Within less than 24 hours of receiving clear-as-day guidance on the work I had to do, I found the exact teacher I needed sitting right in front of me.
The Universe acts quick when you are ready and willing.
And so my coaching journey began.
Unravelling Old Ways
As I dove deeper into exploring my masculine tendencies, I came to see how deeply I had been rejecting, abandoning and judging my feminine.
I saw being a woman as weak and wishy washy. I saw her vulnerability and sensitivity as pathetic. I often forced her to ‘get it together and get on with it’. I didn’t know how to hold space for her, to soothe her, to support and honour her. I didn’t know how to nourish and nurture her with my words, my caress and my love.
As a child I witnessed a mother who was a full-time caregiver and a father who was a full-time breadwinner. I watched my dad making the money, making the decisions and making stuff happen. He travelled the world, went on adventures and experienced success. As a child it seemed glamorous and exciting, while being a woman seemed – to put it bluntly – pathetic.
And so I grew up as an ambitious, driven, hard working girl. Striving for A’s to win my fathers praise. Choosing the career path he encouraged me into. Being a part of every sport team I could find to show dad how talented I was.
The intuitive, emotional, creative and highly sensitive little girl inside of me was pushed to the side as I forged on in the direction of the person I thought I should be in the world.
Embody Your Woman-ness
The simple practice of asking for help was the beginning step that brought me back into my feminine. I was willing to drop my self-protective facade and allow someone deep into my inner world.
Rather than always being the one doing, giving, serving and supporting, I was suddenly the one who had an hour to talk about herself. A full hour to honour her feelings. To explore herself. To be heard. To be held. To receive love, support and guidance. To soften. To let go. To be vulnerable.
This was my permission slip to allow my feminine to be fully expressed. To peel back layers of self-protective armour I had built around my heart. To crack open, rediscover what it meant to be a woman, drop deeper into connection with my body than ever before, speak my truth, be vulnerable, share my feelings and become a goddess.
Embracing my woman-ness has meant;
+ Developing a more intimate relationship with my own feelings and inner voice.
+ Softening, opening, relaxing, slowing and learning to deeply receive.
+ Bringing consciousness to how I work and letting it be a dance between masculine and feminine. Knowing when to ride the energy of inspired action and knowing when I need to stop, pull back and rest. Knowing how to harness my logical mind and knowing when to tune back inwards to allow my intuition to guide me.
+ Coming closer into connection with my body. Exploring her. Connecting with her. Loving her and accepting her exactly how she is.
+ Learning how to ask for help, receive support, expose my weaknesses and share my vulnerabilities. Dropping my ‘miss independent’ badge of honour and letting others step into love and care for me.
+ Owning, fully feeling and processing my emotions. Respecting how I feel. Holding space for myself to cry. Giving myself permission to feel every single emotion deeply – no matter how raw or painful or intense it is.
+ Making time each day for the woman within me to be wildly expressed and deeply nourished in whatever way she feels. Some days it is through play, dance, creativity, laughter, cooking or painting. Other days it is through beach swims, deep conversations with friends, long meditation sessions or a long hot bath. It is about listening to her needs and meeting them.
The Power Of Asking For Help
Even after years of self-development work, seminars, workshops, healings and other coaching sessions, I realised there are always more layers to peel back.
There is always more to discover. Always deeper you can go. Always higher you can rise. Always more lessons to explore.
And you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to figure it all out. In fact, it will actually be easier, faster and way more enjoyable if you ask for help.
And that is why I deeply believe in the power of coaching. Not just as a practise I give to others, but as a practise I allow myself to receive.
Because receiving is a deeply feminine quality. Whether it is receiving compliments, receiving help, receiving love, receiving money, receiving sexually – as a woman we must open up to practise receiving.
We need to ask for help. We need to allow ourselves to be supported. We must drop our strong, independent facades that push others away.
We all need the loving presence of another. Someone to hold our hand. To hold space. To shine a light on the darkness we cannot see. To uncover our blind spots. To break down our walls. To pull out our potential. To fast track our journey of awakening.
This is work we cannot do alone.
Having a coach does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It is the opposite. It is a sign of courage.
It is the willingness to ask for help.
It is the readiness to transform.
And the knowing that you don’t have to go into your darkest depths alone.
Are you interested in receiving support to dive deeper?