Ever since I began working for myself my relationship with money has totally changed. Not because I have tried to make it change, but simply because it has had to.
When I was employed, I had a set salary, which equated to a set monthly paycheck that was delivered to my bank account on the same date each month. I knew how much money I would be earning and I knew how I would spend that money.
But everything changed when I began working for myself.
Money & Security
Having a regular pay check helped me feel (to some extent) in control of my finances. It created feelings of security, comfort and familiarity. I knew that each month the money would come and I never had to worry about it not showing up. I could create budgets and savings plans based on my income and ensure to I always knew in advance that everything could be paid for.
When I began working for myself, I attempted to maintain the same level of control over money. Without the security blanket of my day job I initially felt incredibly vulnerable and frightened, and I attempted to soothe my inner angst by trying to gain as much control over my finances as I could.
But the more my attention drifted to the money, the monthly targets, my budget and the outcomes I was achieving, the less my business flowed. I was anxious, stressed and basically freaking out. I became needy and forceful and found myself making business decisions to try and earn more money, rather than making decisions on things I was passionate about or would love to do.
How My Relationship With Money Has Transformed
In order to continue to work for myself, and grow a business without being overcome by anxiety, I have had to really commit to doing some inner work around money.
I had had to make the love I feel for my work be the driving force, and know that if I keep following the feeling that is guiding me to share this work, then the money that I need to do this work will keep coming.
My relationship with money continues to evolve, but I am now in a position where I feel the most at ease and relaxed about it that I ever have.
But that has not happened because anything outside of me changed. There are still times where I look to my bank account and wonder how on earth I will manifest what I need.
I still have absolutely no idea how much money I will make each week. No idea. My income totally fluctuates every single week and I don’t know what it is going to be.
But you know what? That no longer concerns me.
I just allow it to flow in at whatever pace it does.
There have also been times here I have made decisions with big financial commitments, even when I haven’t had the money. Even though I knew it was the right decision I had absolutely no idea how the money would show up.
But somehow, someway the money has arrived. Every single time.
I Have Been Keeping Myself In The Here & Now
This has been an incredible reminder for me to stay in the present. Seeing I cannot plan, forecast or know when the money is coming, where it is coming from or how much will arrive, I have had to completely let go.
For many of you reading this, it could perhaps come of as an irresponsible way to manage money. But I have to be honest it has brought me SO much freedom. If rent needs to be paid next week, if a large bill arrives I do not worry whether or not I have the money, as I know the money will come.
There have been many times when my head has tricked me in to worst case scenario thinking, telling me that the money won’t come and filling my mind with worrisome thoughts. But I just bring myself back to now.
I focus on the money I do have, where I am now and what needs to be paid now. And if nothing needs to be paid right now in this very moment, then there is no need for me to be worrying, or even thinking about money.
An Overview Of My Inner Work
Now trust me when I say this is definitely still a work in progress. I am still learning so much about my relationship with money and I know there are still plenty of ways I get caught up in the trap of planning and controlling my finances.
But I know things have shifted, as I feel different about money. I feel so much safer in the unknown than I ever have. I feel so much more certain that everything I need will come. I feel taken care of. I feel empowered. I feel calm. I feel supported.
Some Processes I Have Been Working With
Each of our journeys are different and I know that not everyone is ready to quit their day job and completely dive in to unknown. But for those of you wanting to transform your relationship with money, here is a little overview of some of the work I have been doing.
I feel in to the emotions that arise when I worry I cannot afford something
I allow myself to connect with and feel those emotions so I can process them, rather than running from them. If I need to cry I cry. I get really present to what I am feeling, to the energetic sensation in my body and I let myself feel and express it
I use my feeling around money to see where I have given my power away
When I let money control me or I try to control money, it is a pretty clear indicator that I forgotten my truth and I have disconnected from my true power. This is my reminder to come back to the present, come back to my connection with myself and come back to the truth.
I dig deeper by exploring my internal reactions to money
If there are feeling arising around feeling out of control, lacking security, feeling unsafe, feeling empty, I explore those feelings. Those feelings already exist in me and are just being triggered by my money situation so that I can become aware of them and clear them.
I stay present
I stay with where I am now and what needs to be paid now rather than worrying about the future.
I observe and notice my stories around money
I notice what I normally tell myself about money, where I feel limited with money and the reactions that occur in me around money. I have been working to watch and observe these stories and thoughts, rather than getting caught up in them.
I decide first
I choose how I want to live and I make decisions based on what I feel to do, not based on what is in my bank account. Now this is a big one, and it is something I am still working through, but I can’t tell you how many times over the past 6 months I have made a financial commitment to do something I would love to do but I have had no idea how I will pay for it. But the money has always come. Every time. I make the decision FIRST and then the money comes.
It calms my mind and reconnects me with the powerful, loving and infinite energy within me where I know I am already perfectly whole and complete and I need nothing from the external world in order to feel safe.
I remind myself that I cannot manifest abundance unless I feel abundant
I cannot manifest abundance from a place of lack. I remember that the external world is just a mirror reflection of my internal state. So, I if I want to see a shift in my finances, I first have to make a shift in me.
Can you relate to what I have shared here? I would love to hear about your relationship with money and what practices you are taking on board to transform it. Share in the comments below.