Ever since I began working for myself my relationship with money has totally changed. Not because I have tried to make it change, but simply because it has had to.
When I was employed, I had a set salary, which equated to a set monthly paycheck that was delivered to my bank account on the same date each month. I knew how much money I would be earning and I knew how I would spend that money.
But everything changed when I began working for myself.
Money & Security
Having a regular pay check helped me feel (to some extent) in control of my finances. It created feelings of security, comfort and familiarity. I knew that each month the money would come and I never had to worry about it not showing up. I could create budgets and savings plans based on my income and ensure to I always knew in advance that everything could be paid for.
When I began working for myself, I attempted to maintain the same level of control over money. Without the security blanket of my day job I initially felt incredibly vulnerable and frightened, and I attempted to soothe my inner angst by trying to gain as much control over my finances as I could.
But the more my attention drifted to the money, the monthly targets, my budget and the outcomes I was achieving, the less my business flowed. I was anxious, stressed and basically freaking out. I became needy and forceful and found myself making business decisions to try and earn more money, rather than making decisions on things I was passionate about or would love to do.
How My Relationship With Money Has Transformed
In order to continue to work for myself, and grow a business without being overcome by anxiety, I have had to really commit to doing some inner work around money.
I had had to make the love I feel for my work be the driving force, and know that if I keep following the feeling that is guiding me to share this work, then the money that I need to do this work will keep coming.
My relationship with money continues to evolve, but I am now in a position where I feel the most at ease and relaxed about it that I ever have.
But that has not happened because anything outside of me changed. There are still times where I look to my bank account and wonder how on earth I will manifest what I need.
I still have absolutely no idea how much money I will make each week. No idea. My income totally fluctuates every single week and I don’t know what it is going to be.
But you know what? That no longer concerns me.
I just allow it to flow in at whatever pace it does.
There have also been times here I have made decisions with big financial commitments, even when I haven’t had the money. Even though I knew it was the right decision I had absolutely no idea how the money would show up.
But somehow, someway the money has arrived. Every single time.
I Have Been Keeping Myself In The Here & Now
This has been an incredible reminder for me to stay in the present. Seeing I cannot plan, forecast or know when the money is coming, where it is coming from or how much will arrive, I have had to completely let go.
For many of you reading this, it could perhaps come of as an irresponsible way to manage money. But I have to be honest it has brought me SO much freedom. If rent needs to be paid next week, if a large bill arrives I do not worry whether or not I have the money, as I know the money will come.
There have been many times when my head has tricked me in to worst case scenario thinking, telling me that the money won’t come and filling my mind with worrisome thoughts. But I just bring myself back to now.
I focus on the money I do have, where I am now and what needs to be paid now. And if nothing needs to be paid right now in this very moment, then there is no need for me to be worrying, or even thinking about money.
An Overview Of My Inner Work
Now trust me when I say this is definitely still a work in progress. I am still learning so much about my relationship with money and I know there are still plenty of ways I get caught up in the trap of planning and controlling my finances.
But I know things have shifted, as I feel different about money. I feel so much safer in the unknown than I ever have. I feel so much more certain that everything I need will come. I feel taken care of. I feel empowered. I feel calm. I feel supported.
Some Processes I Have Been Working With
Each of our journeys are different and I know that not everyone is ready to quit their day job and completely dive in to unknown. But for those of you wanting to transform your relationship with money, here is a little overview of some of the work I have been doing.
I feel in to the emotions that arise when I worry I cannot afford something
I allow myself to connect with and feel those emotions so I can process them, rather than running from them. If I need to cry I cry. I get really present to what I am feeling, to the energetic sensation in my body and I let myself feel and express it
I use my feeling around money to see where I have given my power away
When I let money control me or I try to control money, it is a pretty clear indicator that I forgotten my truth and I have disconnected from my true power. This is my reminder to come back to the present, come back to my connection with myself and come back to the truth.
I dig deeper by exploring my internal reactions to money
If there are feeling arising around feeling out of control, lacking security, feeling unsafe, feeling empty, I explore those feelings. Those feelings already exist in me and are just being triggered by my money situation so that I can become aware of them and clear them.
I stay present
I stay with where I am now and what needs to be paid now rather than worrying about the future.
I observe and notice my stories around money
I notice what I normally tell myself about money, where I feel limited with money and the reactions that occur in me around money. I have been working to watch and observe these stories and thoughts, rather than getting caught up in them.
I decide first
I choose how I want to live and I make decisions based on what I feel to do, not based on what is in my bank account. Now this is a big one, and it is something I am still working through, but I can’t tell you how many times over the past 6 months I have made a financial commitment to do something I would love to do but I have had no idea how I will pay for it. But the money has always come. Every time. I make the decision FIRST and then the money comes.
It calms my mind and reconnects me with the powerful, loving and infinite energy within me where I know I am already perfectly whole and complete and I need nothing from the external world in order to feel safe.
I remind myself that I cannot manifest abundance unless I feel abundant
I cannot manifest abundance from a place of lack. I remember that the external world is just a mirror reflection of my internal state. So, I if I want to see a shift in my finances, I first have to make a shift in me.
Can you relate to what I have shared here? I would love to hear about your relationship with money and what practices you are taking on board to transform it. Share in the comments below.
39 thoughts on “How I am Changing My Relationship With Money”
Connie — as usual, this is great and what I need to hear. Money has been a big issue for me in my adult life in some way, shape, or form, but especially in the past couple of years. And it’s true — the lack that I’ve had at times has really been a reflection of the lack I was feeling within. I’m in a much better place right now — due in no small part to your 90 day transformation project — but these are definitely things to keep in mind as I continue to practice getting better with my finances. 🙂 Thank you!
Awesome Erika. I love that The 90 Day Transformation Project has been supportive for you to begin to transform those inner feelings of lack into abundance. Keep up the amazing work girl xx
I have had to adopt the same mindset over the past four years as I try to get out of credit card debt (down to $645 from over $6K four years ago). It’s been like, how do I have a life and yet not dig myself into further debt/stall myself from getting out of debt? And I have learned to work around it. When there is something I really want to do, I find a way to have the money. I am learning to let money’s power over me go. I can still have a life without stuff or lots of money. And it’s letting go that has helped me live a more fulfilling life and stay on track to getting out of debt.
Glad to see your methods working for you too! 🙂
Beautiful Amy. I think what you said about letting go of the power money has over you is huge! And wow what an amazing achievement to get your debt down from $6K to $645 x
Oh yes, I can completely relate. My favourite tip of yours – to notice the stories you tell yourself about money. I have just begin to tune into my stories and I know I have a lot of work to do in this area.
Thanks for sharing so openly Connie. It helps x
yep I know what you mean Kirri. I have been grappling with some pretty powerful money stories too. Just gotta keep showing up and doing the work! x
I’m so glad I logged on to read this post Connie. It really couldn’t come at a much better time. After taking the plunge and quitting my job to take a new job (which at the time seemed perfect for me) I’m now in a situation where I’ve decided to leave this job behind (it wasn’t making me happy and my feelings of anxiety & inadequacy returned) I felt I got some of my power back when I made the decision not to return but my ego is having a major party on my fear around my income & how long I can afford to sustain myself until i find another job. I’ve lost my trust and faith and reading this post has been a reminder of that. I’ve definitely got some work to do but thank you for the advice and guidance x
Keep up the faith Jenn!! It is awesome that you are really listening to yourself and following what is right for you. Keep trusting that you will be taken care of, and keep your energy and mindset in the right space. Sending you positive vibes my beauty x
I’m gripped with fear over my finances. I made a move between jobs (that I’m not passionate about, they are simply a means to an end) and went nearly 2 months without a wage, eating into my savings to survive as my start date kept being pushed back.
No sooner had I started the job but I developed a health condition that needed surgery. I’ve since had the operation but I’m still not fully recovered and have lost over a months pay. To top it all off my new boss has had to let me go! I now have no job, very little money and whole lot of panic!
I’ve been studying nutrition, which I LOVE for a few years now and I’m saving to study with IIN to become a health coach. My gut tells me to use the knowledge I already have to take on real, paying clients and give wellness talks. At the moment I only work with people informally (friends, family, colleagues), writing diet plans and wellness guides for free. I’m just so blocked by my belief that I’m not ‘good enough’ to charge people for my advice or ‘not ready’ to start a business and that “I won’t make any money anyway”, that I stay stuck. This inaction leads to less money, more panic + lack.
I can hear that I am in a place of lack, as well as fear and uncertainty. I definitely need to apply some of your processes, especially staying present as I am future-tripping like crazy. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with us Connie, it really brings to my attention how much inner work I have to do here. Thank you & long may you continue to be prosperous & abundant in your life, health & business. x
Katie, follow your gut!! If you are getting signs and feelings that it is time to step up and start charging for your services then it is time to go girl!! Maybe everything that seems to be going ‘wrong’ is actually going right and is unfolding perfectly so that you can take the next step in your business. You just gotta stop resisting the flow and do what you are being called to do. When you flow, the money will flow x
Hi Connie, your messages always seem to show up at the perfect time! I kind of ‘know’ these concepts in the back of my mind somehow, but the way you’re articulated them brings so much clarity to the situation. Have recently resigned from my ‘career job’ and am excited to start this manifesting money game! 🙂
Woo hoo congrats on your resignation. Now it is time to put everything you ‘know’ in to action beautiful x
Great post! And so relevant and written beautifully – simple truths, yet personal.
Oh thank you for your gorgeous comment Alex. Love your work beautiful x
Beautifully written Connie, great post and anything on this topic will always resonate with me. I am too trying to have a better relationship with my finances. I am always thinking I don’t have enough or where will the money come from which produces stress on me and my body and takes me out of being in the here and now and into the future stressing about how the money will come. I agree living in the moment and just letting it go will help. I really just need to trust the universe and the fact the money will present itself. I also think with some things it all comes to self-worth – how much worth you put on yourself. I am attending the One Retreat in December and put down a small deposit to pay back in monthly instalments but as soon as I made the decision I was fine but it wasn’t until afterwards when I started to think how in the hell am I going to pay this off that I started to stress and got lost in the how and the future instead of bringing mysel back to the present moment and letting go of the how because the money will present itself. Thanks for your post, it is always something that I need to remind myself about so I can let go of the how!
Is that Amir’s Oneness Retreat Michelle? Im heading off to the August one this weekend 🙂 Firstly, it is awesome you followed the feeling and signed up to the retreat. it is just your ego coming in now, over-thinking and questioning your decision. Stay strong and connected to the feeling that initially guided you to make the decision. If your head takes over, just come back to that feeling and allow that feeling to guide you x
My absolute pleasure Maria x
Awesome post honey and I completely 100% resonate.
Thank you my darling girl. I would have no doubt this resonates as I know you are a living and breathing example of everything I am sharing here. Love you x
Dear Connie, I am for the first time here but definitely not the last. I like what you are writing here, not just because it is wise, but also because I observe the same mechanisms working in my life. But when I look at people around me I have an impression that your approach would not work for most of them. This is because when you say “I only pay what needs to be payed at the moment” I assume you are not an addict to excessive consumption. So many of people I know really feel that they need to pay right now for this hundred-and-tenth pair of shoes. I think the attitude to consumption is an important issue to work out first,because it determines one’s attitude to money too. What do you think? If you’ve already written about this, please post a link, if not it would be nice to know what you think about this. Congratulations on doing a great job!
I think you are spot on Aga. Many people will use money and material possessions as a way to fill the inner void. They try to fill the inner emptiness by filling up their external world with more and more things. A big part of understanding money, is learning how to spend it on things you truly love and that are right for you, rather than on things you “need” in order to feel happy. Thank you for your comment x
I have a real issue with money, many times I have been debt free but somehow are overcome by this feeling an get back in debt. I just cant seem to break the cycle and now I know that my spending is trying to fill a void that cant be filled by buying things. I just don’t know how to stop I want to because I would love to quit my day job and stay at home with my children and hopefully open a yarn/knitting shop. any suggestions I am totally open to them.
Thanks Connie – a very well timed post. Just today I was thinking that I need to turn around my relationship with money – I feel I let it stop so much in my life. Rather than “I can’t do that because I can’t afford it”, I’m trying to move to “I want to do that so I will and the money will either arrive or I’ll find a way to make it so”. Easier said than done though – especially as I am unemployed at the moment!
Hi Amanda, glad this post came at the right time for you! If you truly want to do what you would love to do, stay connected to that feeling and make a decision from that place. As your trust in yourself grows, this process will become easier x
This is an astoundingly beautiful post, Connie- wow. I had to read it a few times to let it all really sink in. I have to be honest, I never though a post about money would move me so much. Thank you my lovely- xx
My absolute pleasure Katie. I felt quite vulnerable writing this post as part of me didn’t want to be so open about my finances, but it has been beautiful to see how deeply it has resonated with people x
“If you want to get abundance give away all you have and share what is left”
Hi Daniela, I find that phrase interesting. I believe we must allow money to flow in and out of our life easily without holding on to it. But I would only recommend that you give it all away if that feels true to you, rather than doing it because you think it is the “right” or the “spiritual” thing to do xx
Gorgeous Connie, thank you for shedding light on ‘money’. You and I have discussed at length the blocks around money. I’ve been doing so much ‘inner work’ and have finally felt a big shift. It’s quite freeing to not be focused or fixated on money.
I love the steps you’ve provided. Thank you for sharing your intuition and insights.
It is an ongoing practice isn’t it my love! But I agree, there is so much freedom that comes from not having money consume your mind constantly. When we take our power out of it, we are simply free to enjoy it! Love you x
Hi Connie, my relationship with money has changed dramatically over the past 3 years, but it has only been the last 18 months were I really let go of my existing beliefs, and created new ones. Now money flows freely and easily to me! I have been travelling for 15 months now, and I still have no idea where the money comes from. I even keep a coin in my pocket and touch it when I feel any resistance to purchasing anything, and just watch it desolve. Now I spend guilt free and have more! It is amazing!! Thank you for sharing this with us
Wow Jill that is awesome. I love that you have been able to create powerful new beliefs and now as a result you have the freedom to do what ever you feel to do while knowing that the money you need to do it, will come. Amazing work xx
Hello from a previous client that’s been hiding under a rock!! Haha.
Connie this article really came at the right time – I’m now fully self-employed and only have a guaranteed wage of $300 come in every week, and never know if I’ll be receiving more than that. I am stressed beyond belief, drowning in debt, no savings, barely able to pay bills and completely self-sabotaging myself through my money stories – a big one being “all my friends are earning a sh*tload of money in their awesome careers, and all I earn is a measly $300″…even though I am studying to have my dream career at the moment! Like Katie, I’m sure I could use my current knowledge to make more money, but I often feel like I’m not ready or that it’ll be wasted effort as no-one will pay me. Definitely need to do some inner work and change this around. Than you!!!
Another brilliant post Connie and one that couldn’t come at a better time for me =) I’ve successfully managed to let go of my need for control over all other areas of my life, but the subject of money has always proved a tricky one for me. Old, familiar belief systems surrounding money have been creeping in of late..making me doubt myself and my ability to earn a decent income. So this is awesome! Is great to hear about some of your own positive money processes…thank you =)
Thanks Connie for such a timely post. I am working hard on dealing with my money stuff and funnily everywhere I turn there is an article or podcast on the topic to support me through this! I was even going to blog about it this week! I have been doing a Kundalini meditation for prosperity every day, which has been helping immensely and I have noticed abundance flowing into my life. I was given free tickets to a seminar, Fitness first cut $40 off my monthly membership, I find $2 coins every day! (You can find the meditation on Gabbyb.tv or on Gabrielle Bernstein’s youtube channel). However this weekend I went through major freak out and the anxiety was crippling. It takes constant work to get out of the lack mentality and have total faith that money flows. I think when we walk away from the old world where our pay cheque is like a drug hit and we go into major withdrawal and look for another hit so desperately. So easy to go back to old patters. Even when we think we are “clean” from the money stress, we need to always always keep up our work to attract abundance.
This post has come at the right time. I have realized that I keep being given opportunities to receive abundance and yet it is not the opportunity that I wish to experience. Like for instance I got offered a full time job for 5 months in a new location, working full time last week. I had a 3 day trial period and I realized that I would be putting my calling to the side and even though I manifested this job within 24hrs which am very grateful for, I know that I can manifest anything to my heart’s content when I have clear focus and intention in my heart and that my calling will have to be the very reason I exist in order to serve and share my highest on earth. Like you and others my heart is being pulled between the old and new world and it has always felt part of the greater whole where creation is born of the heart and desire is lived in the moment.
Thank you so much for a profound post x
Blessings to you
Thank you so much for this article. I’m growing beyond myself on this very day to change my relationship with money. Trust me, I do not want a repeated lesson in another life! I want to heal it this time around. Your words were just what I needed today. Thank you.
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