I knew from about the age of 20 that I wanted to create a career as a life coach. Nothing resonated more deeply with me than the thought of teaching the principles that had transformed my life, to others. I would set goals, create vision boards and imagine the career I wanted, but I never did anything about it. When it came time to act, I felt completely stuck. For years, I felt the strong pull of my innermost dreams, but it took another 9 years before I mustered the courage to act on them.
Why? Because I was paralysed with fear about what other people would say or think. I was fraught with anxiety about their judgements. I worried about my parents, my peers and even people I barely knew. It consumed my mind and dominated my thoughts.
I didn’t want to be different and unique, as I feared I wouldn’t be accepted. I wasn’t yet strong enough in myself to own what I wanted and so I instead let the opinions of others sway me.
Fear of Judgment Creates Self Sabotage
In my 1:1 coaching practice, worrying what others think combined with fear of their judgment is one of the biggest things that I see holding people back from doing what they really want, from sharing what they feel and from being who they want to be in the world.
It causes us to procrastinate, avoid action and delay our dreams. We let other people dictate our life. We put the love we need from them, over the love we feel within ourselves. A need for their acceptance rules our life and drives how we make our choices.
This self sabotaging pattern keeps us stuck in our head, with our guard up, and a fake facade protecting us. We try to be what we think others want, rather than being able to just relax and be ourselves.
As a result we feel inauthentic, constricted and anxious. All we want is to relax, stop questioning ourselves and express our truth. But the fear of not being loved, not being accepted and no longer belonging forms a barrier within us that we can’t seem to break.
Video: How To Quit Worrying What Others Think
In today’s video I share with you a powerful concept that will transform how you experience this fear of judgment.
This pattern gives us a powerful opportunity to see ourselves in a new light, and heal our relationships with ourselves. All relationships are mirrors and people will reflect back to us, what we believe about ourselves.
Rather than making it all about others, we need to come back to ourselves and notice what we are thinking and feeling within us that is causing us to fear their judgement.
I feel many of us use the fear of others opinions as an excuse to not do what we want to do in the world. What we really need to do is face up to what is actually going on.
After watching this video reflect on the following:
1. Write out some things about you, whether it is certain qualities, dreams and desires, or things you wish to express which you worry about other people’s opinion of.
2. Look at each of them and ask yourself “Where am I judging this as being bad/wrong/strange/unloveable?” Or “Where am I not yet loving and accepting this part of myself?”
3. Notice how you have suppressed, hidden or denied these aspects of yourself as you have a judgment on them.
4. These parts of you need your love and acceptance. They are what make you unique, special and individual. Open up to them. Embrace them and own them completely and wholly.
Have you ever held yourself back from being who you want to be and following your dreams out of fear of what other people think? Share with me in the comments below.
With love,
Connie x
Super supportive and spot on thanks Connie 🙂 love your fluffy jumper too by the way looks super cosy!! xo
Oh awesome to hear that hun. And yes that jumper is sooo cosy x
I love how messages come in to our life at just the right time. Thank you Connie xx
I was only talking to my beautiful girlfriend about this exact topic the other day as I know its something that holds me back from truly expressing myself so much of the time. Over the past week, Ive really been making a conscious decision to begin to change.. to speak up when I’d usually stay quiet and to tell my ego that my opinion and my worth is equally as valid as anyone elses, and you know what? It also feels totally liberating and I can tell I will become a stronger person for it. Powerful x
That is beautiful to hear Tegan. I think it is so important for us to all share our experiences with this pattern as we all experience it but sometimes we think we are the only one!! I love that you are beginning to take new steps to express yourself hun. Incredible stuff xx
Hi Connie, this resonates with me so much. I’m currently feeling so constricted from a fear of expressing myself in a number of ways – through coaching others, being a singer, and my spirituality. All things that I hold judgement on for various reasons. I can feel the need to express it, there just seems to be something holding me back so when you say loving and accepting those parts of me, that really rings true. Thank you x
I agree wholeheartedly with the idea that I am judging myself when I worry about what other people think. The truth is that most people don’t care as much as we think and we give them way more weight and power to control our emotions and actions than they even think they get. Focusing on total acceptance really helps that. Lovely video, Connie.