I knew from about the age of 20 that I wanted to create a career as a life coach. Nothing resonated more deeply with me than the thought of teaching the principles that had transformed my life, to others. I would set goals, create vision boards and imagine the career I wanted, but I never did anything about it. When it came time to act, I felt completely stuck. For years, I felt the strong pull of my innermost dreams, but it took another 9 years before I mustered the courage to act on them.
Why? Because I was paralysed with fear about what other people would say or think. I was fraught with anxiety about their judgements. I worried about my parents, my peers and even people I barely knew. It consumed my mind and dominated my thoughts.
I didn’t want to be different and unique, as I feared I wouldn’t be accepted. I wasn’t yet strong enough in myself to own what I wanted and so I instead let the opinions of others sway me.
Fear of Judgment Creates Self Sabotage
In my 1:1 coaching practice, worrying what others think combined with fear of their judgment is one of the biggest things that I see holding people back from doing what they really want, from sharing what they feel and from being who they want to be in the world.
It causes us to procrastinate, avoid action and delay our dreams. We let other people dictate our life. We put the love we need from them, over the love we feel within ourselves. A need for their acceptance rules our life and drives how we make our choices.
This self sabotaging pattern keeps us stuck in our head, with our guard up, and a fake facade protecting us. We try to be what we think others want, rather than being able to just relax and be ourselves.
As a result we feel inauthentic, constricted and anxious. All we want is to relax, stop questioning ourselves and express our truth. But the fear of not being loved, not being accepted and no longer belonging forms a barrier within us that we can’t seem to break.
Video: How To Quit Worrying What Others Think
In today’s video I share with you a powerful concept that will transform how you experience this fear of judgment.
This pattern gives us a powerful opportunity to see ourselves in a new light, and heal our relationships with ourselves. All relationships are mirrors and people will reflect back to us, what we believe about ourselves.
Rather than making it all about others, we need to come back to ourselves and notice what we are thinking and feeling within us that is causing us to fear their judgement.
I feel many of us use the fear of others opinions as an excuse to not do what we want to do in the world. What we really need to do is face up to what is actually going on.
After watching this video reflect on the following:
1. Write out some things about you, whether it is certain qualities, dreams and desires, or things you wish to express which you worry about other people’s opinion of.
2. Look at each of them and ask yourself “Where am I judging this as being bad/wrong/strange/unloveable?” Or “Where am I not yet loving and accepting this part of myself?”
3. Notice how you have suppressed, hidden or denied these aspects of yourself as you have a judgment on them.
4. These parts of you need your love and acceptance. They are what make you unique, special and individual. Open up to them. Embrace them and own them completely and wholly.
Have you ever held yourself back from being who you want to be and following your dreams out of fear of what other people think? Share with me in the comments below.