Overcoming The Seeking Trap

We all have a yearning to feel deeply fulfilled in our lives. But one of the biggest traps I see my clients fall in to (and which I got caught up in myself for years) is looking for that fulfilment externally.

When this happens, we get caught in the pattern of seeking things from the outside world that we hope will make us feel a certain way.  We seek fulfilment through doing.

We place pressure on our jobs, our friends or our partners to be what we want them to be so that we can feel the way we want to feel. We create expectations and rules upon these things and then become disappointed and upset if they do not meet them.


The Seeking Trap

Searching for fulfilment in your external world sends you on a journey of never ending seeking. We search and search for the happiness we crave. We change, control and fix our external world. And we chase that elusive outcome in the hope we will feel as though we have arrived.

This can be a really disempowering space to be in, as it puts us in a place where we are completely out of control of how we feel on a day to day basis. 

What we are ultimately craving is to feel loved, important, appreciated and recognised, but we have lost touch with the ability to give those feelings to ourselves.


My Fulfilment Prescription

I have been doing a lot of work around this in my own life, and in fact, I still continue to. It is big work. It requires us to let go of the way we are used to finding fulfilment and instead take our power back, turn inwards, and reconnect wit the loving presence within us.

Today I am going to share with you a few key principles I have been working with to move beyond the seeking trap.


Notice What You Are Seeking

What do you typically look to the outside world for?

Validation that your work is valued?  Reassurance that you are good enough? Confirmation that you are loved?

Pay attention to the times where you are needing something from someone or a circumstances outside of you, so that you can feel a certain way.


Observe Your Actions

Start to become aware of how you seek that. Do you try to act in certain ways or do certain things? Do you try to control or manipulate? Are you an over achiever or perfectionist? Do you place expectations on others?

Start to just become more aware of this pattern drives your behaviour.


Take Your Power Back

What have you put power in to? What circumstances, things or people have power over how you feel? What controls you?

Start to become aware of where you are giving things outside of you, power over your happiness and your fulfilment. Bring your attention back to you and step back in to the drivers seat of your life and your feelings.


How Do You Want To Feel?

Become really clear of what you are actually looking for. What you are ultimately seeking is to feel a certain way.

What is it you want to feel? Loved? Secure? Accepted? Or are you seeking feelings of happiness, success or abundance?

Become aware of the key feelings you want to experience.


Give It To Yourself

It is time to to recognise that you have the ability to connect with and cultivate these feelings within yourself.

Look over your list of feelings you want to experience. How are you not giving this to yourself at the moment? If you are seeking approval, acknowledgement, love, connection or attention, how are you not giving that to yourself?

If you are craving success, achievement or a sense of moving forward, where have you not been acknowledging all of the amazing things you have been doing and instead have been seeking that from others?


Connect Inwards

Recognise that when you are in the pattern of seeking, you are placing more importance on the external world, than your inner world. Which is more real?

Through the practice of connecting inwards, you are placing more attention on your inner world and therefore making it more real.

Meditation is a powerful way to strengthen your relationship with yourself and your inner world. 


You can try my:

Connect With Your Core Feelings Meditation in order to help you feel how you want to feel now.

Heart Meditation to reconnect you with the loving energy that exists within you at all times.

(To download the meditations: Right Click + Select Save Link As or Download Linked File)


Do you sometimes find yourself seeking fulfilment from the people or circumstances outside of you? I would love for you to share your experiences below.

With Love,

Connie x

10 thoughts on “Overcoming The Seeking Trap”

  1. What a beautiful post Connie. I admit that in the past I searched for fulfillment mainly extrenally, I wasn’t secure in myself to be able to do it any other way. A lot has changed this past year and I’m becomming more sure of self, I’m turning inwards a lot more. You’re right though, it is big work but well worth it. Thank you so much for sharing your tips lovely xxx

    1. Thank you Amy. It is daily, big work that I really have to practice moment by moment. When i was younger I too lacked the ability to turn inwards and find what I was seeking within. The external world was so much more appealing!! But I guess we have learnt over time how much that approach doesn’t work! Thanks for your gorgeous comment darling xx

  2. Beautiful post Connie. Gabby B put it brilliantly in Spirit Junkie, she said the love you seek is not outside you, it is within you. So basically you have everything that you need, you don’t need anything more x

    1. Hi Nicole, I completely agree with you. When I am able to take my attention off the external world and reconnect with that loving presence within me, I realise I already have everything I seek. Thank you for your gorgeous comment x

  3. Great post Connie 🙂
    …but if what I’m looking for is a better paid job in order to feel safe and indipendent…how can I look for those things inside me if what I really need is a better paid job in the external world? I mean, what if what I really need must come from the outside?

    1. Hi Dani, what you said then about wanting to feel safe and independent is where you need to put your focus. This is where your work begins. If you can only feel safe when your external world goes how you want it to, I guarantee that you probably don’t feel safe very often. This is is big work, but it is about turning inwards to connect with that feeling of safety within you, rather than seeking it outside of you.

      There is nothing wrong with wanting to manifest a better paid job, so you can continue to create that. But it is important to become aware of when you place a lot of pressure on getting that external thing so you can he happy x

  4. Great post Connie. This is something I struggle with all the time. These tips you offer are very doable for something all of us can work on on a moment by moment basis.

    Thanks for the friendly reminder and it’s a great way to begin my day. By being grateful and appreciative of who I am, where I am right now!

    1. Hi Amanda, I am glad what I shared has been supportive for you! This truly is a moment to moment practice but you are right when we begin our morning in this way, it really helps support us to carry that energy through the remainder of the day xx

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