My Journey of Unravelling + How Yoga Is Cracking Me Open

I was recently told by a psychic and mentor whom I work closely with, that I am in the midst of a process of unravelling. A process that has been unfolding in my life for the past few years.

“This” she said, “Is a process of life taking from you.”

And her words could not be a more accurate reflection of what I have been feeling.

Over the past two years, things in my life have felt like sand in my grasp. Despite my desperate attempts to hold onto them, they have continued to fall through my fingers.

Everything has felt so transient. People, relationships, homes and work projects seem to be continuously coming and going.

They come in, they serve their purpose and then they leave. They teach me the lesson they have been assigned to teach, and then they disappear just as quickly as they arrived.

I seem to build forms, structures and creations, to only then have them crumble a short time later.

I have spent a long time resisting this process. Feeling like something was wrong. Unable to understand why I couldn’t seem to get certain areas of my life to thrive in the way I desired.

But recently, I have began to embrace it.nd not just embrace it, but honour it. Love it. And deeply respect it.

Why? Because it is not me that is unravelling, but my ego.

The last thing my ego wants is to be unravelled, but it is the very thing my soul desires.

In fact, it is one of the most divine and sacred experiences you can have.

This process is burning up all of my darkness. It is preparing me for the woman I desire to be in my relationships, my business and my life. 

I have shown up for my assignments, big time. I have surrendered and gone deep. I have become a master of letting go, riding big waves of change and living bravely in the unknown.

But I am drawing to the end of this journey now, I can feel it.

And while this process will always continue to unfold in various shapes and forms, I finally feel that I am graduating from this chapter.

 

Unravelling shows you what is real

Things tend to intensify as they wrap up, and that is definitely the case now. But while these challenges used to floor me in the past, I now use them a fuel to accelerate my growth.

More and more of the layers of ego, fear, attachment, need and limitation are falling away. Like layers of an onion they are being peeled back. I am shedding skins. Breaking off walls of protection from my heart. Coming closer and closer inwards to what is true.

The words that seems to keep ringing in my head are “Show me what is real”. It has become my daily mantra. My prayer.

And I am finally beginning to find it.

The space has been cleared for soul to rise.

Everything over the past few years has been preparing me for this moment.

Preparing me for the new creations I am ready to give birth to, and ensuring I am coming from the right space when I bring them to life.

When I next fall in love, I want it to be real. Pure, real love. Innocent love. Divine love. Not fake love driven by need and attachment, but a union between two people who are here to expand and uplift each other.

I desire pure intentions. Real connection. Authentic conversation. I want to show up with my heart wide open and say “My love, how can I serve you?” “How can I love you more?” and “How can I be a woman who makes you a better man?”.

And I want my work in the world to be real. My business is not a platform for my ego to receive external love and validation. This is not a space for me to get what I think I need. I am not here to become someone or to be idolised in any way.

I am here to serve. In a real, pure, raw way. I am here to be honest and transparent about the path I walk so I can illuminate the lives of others. I am here on your level, not as some guru or expert, but as a woman walking the exact same journey you are.

 

You are purifying

And now in every interaction, every thought, every action, I desire purity and truth. It is a big practise, but something I am now deeply committed to.

So now I am embracing my unravelling. I have been declaring; “Take from me all that is not real. I no longer want it. Strip me down to my bare bones so I can feel my soul. Release all the blocks that stand between me and who I really am. Take it from me. I no longer want anything impure or unreal. Show me what is real about this life and help me feel it and live with it in my heart every day.”

And now I am diving even deeper.

I have been finding myself drawn to yoga classes. Classes filled with bodies moving in union. Community. Connection. Oneness with others through energy and breath. 

In those hot and sweaty rooms I feel more and more layers of ego releasing. I feel myself coming back home. I feel the final layers of armour cracking off my heart.

I still cry through most classes. As I go deeper into my body, I release all I have been holding onto. Bottling up. I am feeling suppressed pain and emotion move through me. And in the space that is created,  I am finding what is real.

I walk out of classes expanded, opened, unravelled. I walk out pure and true.

 

Yoga is cracking me open

There is no space for ego. There is no room for attachment or agenda. There is just presence, embodiment and connection.

This practice is accelerating and facilitating the final chapters of my process.

I now feel myself standing here amongst the rubble feeling stronger, move alive and more free than ever before. And as I look down at the ground below me I see small, fresh, green sprouts of life beginning to break through.

The new is coming. It is has been burning in me for months and I am feeling it beginning to rise. But it needed space. It needed purity. It needed to come from a place that was real.

And so I am moving forward tentatively. Lovingly tending to my new seedlings, while devoting myself everyday to staying connected to what is true about this life.

I look forward to sharing more with you from this fresh, new space.

And if you would like to read more about my journey, here are some other articles that have explored my process of unravelling;

 

When a significant relationship left my life:
How To Let Go Of A Past Relationship (& Mend Your Broken Heart)

Why I stepped away from my business:
Behind the Scenes: Why You Haven’t Heard Much From Me Lately

The messiness of my transformation:
6 Signs You’re In A Process Of Transformation (& How To Manage It)

How my ego sabotaged a new love:
What Dating Taught Me About Love & Detachment

When life began to crumble around me:
How To Stay Centred During Times Of Change

How my intuition guided me to some big decisions:
When Following Your Intuition Makes No Sense (+ An Update From Me)

When I took a break:
The Spiritual Lessons I Learned From Taking A Break

When I went searching for the truth in my work:
Interview: Leading Authentically and the Relief of Being Real

 

Have you ever experienced a sense of unravelling? A period filled with change, transformation, awakening and letting go? Pop into the comments and tell me about it.

 

With love,

Connie x

11 thoughts on “My Journey of Unravelling + How Yoga Is Cracking Me Open”

  1. Hi Connie, a very powerful article! I’ve been getting a strong sense of change, embracing the unknown and emergence come through your writing over the last year or so, and almost been waiting in anticipation to see what amazing things were growing and going to spring forth! How exciting for you for what you must be feeling and what your future holds! Amazing things are breaking through for you! Thanks for continuing to be so raw, honest and open with your readers!

    1. Hi Samantha, thank you for such a beautiful and supportive comment. It truly has been all about clearing out and making space for the new creations that want to be born. Lots of patience has been required, but I am excited to soon be sharing some new things with you xx

  2. Sheridan Meulblok

    I was majorly cracked open last year, like a Saturn returns but this time to prepare me for turning 40. It was such a confronting time but it made me go deep, deep within to find so many wonderful treasures hidden inside as the power of the ego & the true me separated. Yoga & meditation was a big support for the transition & growth, as was the beautiful Adyashanti. I’m so grateful that I went through it all, it was so incredibly transformative & although being cracked open didn’t always feel good my soul simply required it for me to be where I am now. X

    1. What a beautiful process to go through Sheridan. It sounds like yours mirrors mine very closely. It is so true that when we are in midst of it, it is so uncomfortable, but if we can allow ourselves to dive deep and ride through the journey with a courageous and open heart, we will come out the other end feeling so grateful for all we experienced xx

  3. Connie, I admire you so much for sharing your journey with us in such an honest and heartfelt way. I’ve felt as though I’ve been peeling back the layers throughout this year, and just feeling my way into simplicity, ease and purity has been quite confronting, but I’ve come to really love and trust this feeling now. I’ve also noticed that my intuition has become heightened as a result.

    Sometimes, we don’t trust that it can really be this simple, with no complications or bells and whistles, but it really can be, and it’s so beautiful to read about your transitions and shifts.

    Thank you lovely lady- xx

    1. Oh Katie, those words simplicity, ease and purity are so beautiful and definitely resonate deeply with me. It truly is just our ego that complicates everything with it’s stories, attachments, needs and dramas and as we release all of those games life becomes so much more smooth and enjoyable. Beautiful to hear you have also gained so much from this unravelling journey xx

  4. Hi sweet Connie, thank you for your honest writings of this journey you are in <3
    I have been on a journey of soul searching and ego releasing for about two years now.. I have been letting go of people, jobs and material things to find that it has all been layering my soul. Now I am with a feeling that I am coming closer and closer to something that feels magical, but still trying to let time do its work 🙂 It has been all worth it, and one of the hardest parts is the inner change when the closest people around you are on different places and journeys in their lives. Your prayer/mantra "Show me what is real" really gave me shivers!

    1. I love how you describe it as the layers over your soul as that truly what it is. And yes it is incredibly scary and tough sometimes when others are not on the same path. It can easily pull us off track and make us feel quite alone. But it is beautiful to hear the courage you have shown to keep on going and find that inner ‘magic’ xx

  5. Hi Connie!

    Beautiful post as always<3 I can feel your love coming through in every word and it's always so comforting. Recently I feel like things have 'hit the fan' for me in a sense. I've gone through a very tough breakup, moved out on my own for the first time, started my own business, all in the same few months. It's definitely felt like an unravelling. Reading your post is so comforting in reminding me that all this is happening to crack me open and get closer to my authentic self. I'm learning, growing, and evolving through everything and although it may not seem like it everything that's happening is of the highest good. Thank you for sharing your journey, it's truly heart warming.

    xoxo,
    Erika

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