Feel Like A Failure? It’s Time To Re-Define How You Measure Success

I think we all yearn to feel like a success in our life. I know I do. I have always been a high achiever and big dreamer. I have always stretched myself to go for more and often placed quite high expectations upon myself. 

In many ways I love this quality in myself as it means I am always expanding, growing and evolving. But there can also be a downside to this tendency.

The dark side of being a high achiever is that I use the achievement of goals and intentions as my marker of success. If I hit my target, then I feel good about myself, and if I don’t then in comes the inner critic to tell me how much of a failure I am.

It sounds pretty black and white. And it is. But I have a feeling I am not alone on this.

We live in a very outcome driven society where most career paths these days contain targets we have to hit. Our success is measured against what we do and achieve, and we are rewarded when we can go that extra mile to get the intended result.

But what price does this pay on us emotionally, mentally and energetically?

Well, it means that our feeling of self worth and value rests delicately on factors that lay outside of us. Factors that feel outside our control, and that we do our very best to obtain control of. All of this can fill us with anxiety, insecurity and worry.

So, is there another way?


Video: Re-Define How You Measure Success

In today’s video I share a realisation I had after noticing the anxiety that arose in me when I began striving for a goal I wanted to reach. I realised that there was another way to experience success that didn’t require me to wait until a goal was achieved for me to feel good about myself.


To recap they key points from this video:

1. What you are really after is the feeling of success. You desire to feel good about yourself, to feel proud and to receive acknowledgment and praise.

2. You are in charge of how you measure success. You can decide that you will only feel that way when a target is reached, or you can choose to start to feel that way now. 

3. Take time each day to acknowledge your achievements. Journal and reflect on what you feel proud of from the day. Do things to your highest standard, so you feel good about them. Recognise yourself for all that you do.

4. Make success about the process, rather than an outcome. What if you measured your success based on the level of joy you experienced along the way?


Would you love some support to release your anxiety around external success and achievement? In my 1:1 coaching programs you will work closely with me and receive practical and personalised guidance.

Read more about my coaching options, or email me at [email protected] to book a complimentary Discovery Session.


Do you ever feel like a failure because of the expectations you place on yourself to meet certain goals? What can you start to take on board from this video to support you to feel like a success now? Share with me in the comments.

With love,

Connie x

14 thoughts on “Feel Like A Failure? It’s Time To Re-Define How You Measure Success”

  1. Connie. This is unbelievably beautiful. A message I think that can be extended to almost any area of our life where we feel we are grasping for something. Whether that be love, acceptance or success – we have the power to feel that NOW. Thanks for the reminder Lovely lady. xxx

    1. Thank you Meg. I totally agree hun! The seeking plays out in so many ways. I too have been applying this to many areas of life 🙂 Big hugs to you x

  2. Love this! I think the traditional definition of success is so passé! After years of conditioning from the corporate world, my happiness has increased tenfold since being able to recreate my own definition of what it means to be successful where effort and personal growth count just as much as an end result. Lovely post. Thank you xx

    1. You’re right Vanessa – so much more happiness arises from this shift. The pressure drops and we can really revel in the process and the growth we are experiencing x

  3. I love this. Just wondering how do you balance those big dreams, and what you want to manifest, shooting for the stars. Being happy with where you are while still (I don’t know, not seeking or striving-maybe growing?) growing and playing big. I understand both, but am not sure how to incorporate both at the same time… Hmmm. Beautiful and thought provoking as always lovely! x

    1. Beautiful question Ness. There is nothing wrong with big dreams, goals and desires, but it is what you make them mean and the impact that have on your feelings of self worth and success. When we can aim for those big visions with a feeling of detachment and inspiration rather than need, it is so much lighter! This video might also be really helpful for you http://conniechapman.com/be-happy-where-you-are/ xx

  4. With what I have coming up this year this is a lovely timely reminder. It so great when we realize we are creating our own rules and expectations then forcing ourselves to live up to them! I shall make my measure of success how kind I am to myself for a while I think. Yes indeed x

  5. Love this Connie! Thank you – it’s come at the perfect time. My big ‘aha’ moment while watching it? Success can be the amount of joy you feel in whatever you are doing. Oh YES! Thank you. x

  6. Awesome post Connie. I started a business over a year ago and everyday I feel like a failure because I am not making any money. Whenever my friends enthusiastically ask me how it is going I say “fantastic it’s a wonderful hobby” and I immediately feel ‘less than’ because I don’t feel I can call it a business yet. My beautiful husband reminded me that I am a success because at least I am having a go and that even though I am not making any money YET I am doing what makes me happy and what gives meaning and purpose to my life. Your post reconfirmed that success is what I choose to make it and I truly believe this. I just need to remind myself of that everyday. Thanks heaps for reminding me also.

    1. Oh Claire this is a beautiful story and something I also struggled with when I started. Rather than acknowledging the incredible-ness of starting a biz and all of the new steps I was taking, I was being hard on myself for not meeting my external targets of money and results. All it takes is a little shift in perspective to allow yourself to begin feeling that beautiful feeling of success once again x

  7. I agree that success is a journey not destination. Each day if we take small steps to get ahead, we should feel good. It may take time but show must go on. This is life.

    Thanks for nice article connie 🙂

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